Doris and I have arrived safely in NJ, after a treacherous drive through a MAJOR thunderstorm! However, before the weather took a turn for the worst, we had an experience that is SHOCKING, DISTURBING, and/or a little hilarious.

We are driving through Maryland, leaving the Washington, DC area. Doris is driving and I am in the passenger seat. To my right, something catches my eye. In the next lane over, there is a man blowing kisses at us, and trying to keep pace with us. I look straight ahead and say to Doris, "Don't look now, but the man in the car next to us is blowing kisses at us."

"Give him the finger!" Doris shouts.

I do not want to give him the finger because I believe it is a bad idea to anger another driver on the road. Instead, I ignore him and do not look to the side. Out of the corner of my eye, it seems the car is no longer keeping pace with us. I am relieved.

But then...

He's back! And THIS TIME he is holding up a spiral notebook, on which he has written:

SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS

I shriek and relate all of this to Doris, who, like a good driver, is keeping her eyes on the road, not on this IDIOT. (Interesting aside: this guy looked to be at least 30, so we cannot blame this occurrence on him being a "crazy college kid" or something.)

"Give him the finger!!!" shouts Doris once more.

Okay, NOW it was totally warranted! We did indeed give him the finger. He drove faster and we did not see him again (THANK GOD). We are unsure, though, whether he saw us give him the finger. We were kind of late with it, due to our SHOCK and HORROR.

Seriously - who makes a sign like that???? Did he actually think I was going to show him my boobs?

I have no words! (I think my finger said it all!)

Today, I went to Aly's apartment to meet her and go into Manhattan together for a couple of press events. A lot of the people that attend these events are a part of the fashion industry, so I dressed nice. I put on a cute dress and my cowboy boots, plus I wore my jean jacket and pantyhose because it was a little chilly.

Anyway, I stopped at Aly's in order to use her scanner, and then we left to go to the train to Manhattan. We had walked about 5 blocks toward the train when a woman behind us called out, "Miss, your skirt's all the way up to your waist!" Horrified I reached down in the back, and sure enough it WAS. It was up to my waist, in the back only, and seemed to be on one side, revealing at least one, if not two, of my butt cheeks.

Quickly I fixed my wardrobe malfunction, and I HOPE I properly thanked the woman for alerting me. Aly was by my side when this occurred, and my dress was looking normal from the front, so she didn't see what had happened. I can only assume that this occurred at Aly's, and that it happened when I removed my purse and jean jacket and put them back on (somehow something grabbed the back of my skirt and pulled it up there?).

HOW EMBARRASSING. I hope too many people didn't see it!!!!!

The moral of the story is this. Many times in life, we see someone having an embarrassing moment. Maybe it's a woman trailing toilet paper off of her foot after a visit to the ladies' room. Maybe it is the person with their fly unzipped. Often we ask ourselves, "Should I tell that person? WIll it embarrass them more if a complete stranger points out something humiliating?"

Today I WAS THAT PERSON in the humiliating situation. And I can tell you this: the person WANTS TO KNOW if something embarrassing is going on!! Don't be shy; just tell them. They will be grateful that you did!

To my good samaritan: THANK YOU!!! I really do hope I thanked you enough.

I have to wonder how many people I passed on the street saw my ass but did not stop to help!

I am thankful I had pantyhose on! And normal dark gray underwear!

I'm in the running for "Hottest Girl of the Week" on VH1. (Shallow, I know.) But my picture could be on TV! That would be fun!

www.pickyourgameup.com/AllieGee

VOTE VOTE VOTE! Voting closes in 14 hours, and I am currently ranked at #75 out of 3,847 entries!

EDIT: #58 out of 3,847!

It's a LOLDoris (far superior to LOLcats if you ask me!!!):



Doris (zama60) made herself into a lolcat, and I think it is too great not to repost. (Sorry, Doris.)

I just had an AMAZING beach-weekend with Doris, her sister, and friends!! I owe you all a post ALL ABOUT IT, but for now... you get a LOLDoris!

Obama and McCain reveal pop culture favorites.

Okay, to help my friends' list out, I have created a helpful table so that you can easily compare the candidates' stands on these most important matters.

	Obama	McCain
Fave superhero	Spider-Man, Batman	Batman
Fave music	Frank Sinatra, Sheryl Crow, Bob Dylan, John Coltrane	ABBA, Roy Orbison, Linda Ronstadt, Usher
Fave TV show	M*A*S*H*, The Dick Van Dyke Show	Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Dexter
Most recent film seen in theatres	Shrek the Third	Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Fave actor to play the president	Jeff Bridges, "The Contender"	Dennis Haysburt, "24"
First movie ever seen	Born Free	Bambi

Sorry I tricked everybody!! I didn't mean to be a trickster! I was trying on my wig for Halloween, and I thought it looked cool, so I took a couple of pictures. I guess it was pretty convincing since that haircut is similar to my hair style now, and to some of my fave cuts in the past.

This would have been good to do on April Fools' Day!

Anyhow, people like my "red hair" so much, I might have to actually do it sometime!

HAHAHA!

Setting: St. Simons Island Pier, 9:00 PM.
Scene: Some men are fishing. Tyler, 6-years-old, looks into the man's bait bucket at the small fish swimming around. Inside the bucket, there are dead fish and live fish. Tyler admires them and talks to the man. Suddenly, Tyler comes running over excitedly towards his dad, Christopher.

Tyler: (holding up small dead fish) "Dad! The man gave me a dead one [fish]!"
Christopher: "Did you say 'thank you'?"

Yesterday, I attended Doris' (zama60's) DRAFT. Well, that is what I have been calling it! Really it is called Match Day. Like the NBA Draft, it is when all of the graduating medical students are "matched" with the hospitals where they will be residents. I am proud to announce that Doris will be doing Pediatrics at the Jacobi Medical Center in the Bronx. Very exciting!!

There were many highlights of the day, including the tour I got of UMDNJ -- which included such siteas ass Doris' locker, and where Doris takes naps in the library -- was my MAD PHOTOGRAPHY SKILLZZ.

I took pictures of Doris with all of her friends, and it was very fun meeting everyone I had heard so much about! But, we also continued a recently-started series entitled "Doris Next to Tall People." Doris is 5', and so she looks pretty funny when standing next to Tall People. For the purpose of this project, we've decided to classify "tall" as 6' and over.

If you or anyone you know is 6' or over, please let me know, and I will put Doris next to you and take a picture.

Sometimes my life is like a sitcom.

For instance, Friday.

On Saturday, Marty and I decided to celebrate belated-Valentine's Day (we couldn't celebrate on Wednesday because it would've been near-impossible with him recording his new CD and me working and both of us needing to get up early in the morning). Anyhow, the V-Day plan was, he was going to come over to my place for some home cookin'! I decided to serve a lime mousse that my dad has made before as a dessert, because Marty loves limes. Lime mousse has to chill overnight, as it kind of becomes a "sorbet-like" thing. [End: backstory.]

Ultimately, I had to make the lime mousse on Friday night after work. There were a bunch of different steps. I whipped egg whites into a meringue, I make heavy cream into whipped cream. I juiced limes, I softened Knox unflavored gelatin. The next step was to boil the lime juice with sugar. Basically, it was instructing me to make a simple syrup. However, you were supposed to not stir and just use a candy thermometer to monitor how hot the syrup was getting and when it was time to turn it off. I do not have a candy thermometer. But it was suposed to reach 240 degrees, so I assumed it had to boil for a while.

In the meantime, I started zesting limes for the next step. I got distracted, and by the time I looked back to my lime/sugar syrup, it had gone brown, indicating it had burned. I was most upset, but before getting too bummed out, I realized that I hadn't ruined the dessert; I'd overbought limes so could get more juice, and I had more sugar available.

So -- I had to quickly dispose of the hot sugar syrup so that I could use the pan again. What's a girl to do?? You can't throw scalding liquid into a garbage can.... and our kitchen sink was not working (the pipe was frozen so no water was coming out) so I thought it a bad idea to pour the syrup down the sink's drain.

Ultimately, I decided the "answer" was to pour it directly into the toilet and flush it down. (Just the other day, when Jess and I had made room in the freezer for all the frozen Kashi meals, we had disposed of some gone-bad lemonade in this same method.) Immediately I realized this was a mistake. First the toilet began to clog. Then I realized why. The hot sugar, when added to the COLD toilet water, solidified directly onto the inside of the toilet bowl!! Not having time to mess around, I immediately stuck my hand in the toilet and began to break off pieces of the sugar-candy. I broke it off enough to stop clogging.

The remainder of the sugar-candy was fused onto the toilet still, but I was worried about leaving my half-finished recipe there without completing the next step. Quickly I jotted down a note to my roommates: "I CAN EXPLAIN! Toilet OK to use. I will clean." Back in the kitchen, I cleaned out the pan and made simple syrup (TAKE 2). It was a success! (Hooray!) I completed my lime mousse. It came out great, despite the trouble with TAKE 1.

Then, Susan came home and I started to tell her what happened. When we revisited the toilet, a miracle had happened! After that time just sitting there, the sugar had dssolved, and it was now a liquid that could be flushed easily down! YES! SAVED!

THE BACKGROUND.

So, tonight (because it is Thursday), I have my tap-dancing lessons, which, by the way, are AWESOME. My lesson is once a week, from 7-8. I love it!

Among other things that I love are frozen entrees. But I'll get to that in a sec.

I have also been temping with Teach For America again. It has been EXTRA awesome, because the project I am doing is one that I can do WHILE WORKING FROM HOME. So that explains where I've been for so long. I've been a busy bee.

Today I received an email from my dear-dear pal, Aly (alybaby1219). To provide some background, she is a freelance writer. Often, when working on a research project, she will post on a website that she is writing an article about [insert type of product] for [insert publication name here]. Then companies, eager to gain free publicity in her articles, will send her all kinds of free samples of products related to whatever she is writing about. To provide more background, Aly lives in Coney Island. Coney Island is an hour away from me on the train. On a good day.

THE EMAIL.

Anyhow, today at around 5:30, this email arrives from Aly. Subject line: "KASHI-read asap." And I quote:

HELP!
I am doing a high-fiber article for sheknows.com
And Kashi offered to send some samples of their frozen entries...and sent CARTONS. I have HUNDREDS of boxes!
I don't have a freezer big enough, so anyone that wants any (you can have cases) you have to come over RIGHT NOW, while it's still frozen.
It's currently packed in dry ice.
xo
aly

Now who am I to pass up free frozen entrees? I IMed Aly in a frenzy. I said I would like to come for frozen entrees, but my tap lesson was from 7-8! If I left at 8, I'd get to her at 9.... and I would be getting home well after 10. I hemmed and hawed. My main concern was doing some of my at-home TFA temping (responding to emails). As a result, I banged out as many of those emails as I could BEFORE going to tap dance. I accomplished quite a lot, leaving only 3 emails to be accomplished later. Satisfied with my productivity, I decided that I should really help Aly out with her problem. I told her I would call her after tap.

I packed an empty backpack and an empty giant tote bag. After my tap lesson, I headed to the subway. One hour later, I was standing in Coney Island on Aly's porch beside a GIANT BOX of frozen entrees. Aly and I visited for a bit, then we began loading as many entrees as would fit into my backpack and giant tote. I left no space empty. I really packed 'em in. No holds barred.

I left Aly's, weighted down heavily by the delicious Kashi meals. They are all very high in fiber and protein, and they are a brand I know and trust. I knew I had over $100 worth of food here. Aly has given me a great gift.

THE BOUNTY.

Now, at approximately 10:45, I arrived home with my beautiful bounty. Immediately, I was thrilled to see that Jessica was still awake. I greeted her and shortly after, Susan entered the room. I began to tell them both about where I had been. First they seemed in disbelief that I'd gone all the way out to Coney Island. But then, as we talked and I began unloading my bags, their eyes grew huge. They were amazed! They were even impressed with how industrious I had been with my time. I explained that two hours of work does not yield enough money to buy this amount of food, and they agreed. I told them they would have to help me eat them, a burden they were more than willing to share.

After that, Jessica assisted me in a freezer reorganization project to accommodate all of the Kashi frozen entrees.

This is what my freezer now looks like:



The final count? 30.

Approximate cost of 30 Kashi frozen entrees: $105-$135.

Thank you, Kashi! Thank you, Aly! Thank you, and you, and you!

Last night, Beth (vertical_chaos) came over for a BBQ! It was mad fun. Holla back, girl! ;-) (Beth's students are currently learning the difference between using their "street language" and using "classroom language.")

I have to say, I threw a pretty unimpressive BBQ, though... and the reason was this: After work, I went to Key Foods (somewhat delayed because my mom called me). Upon my return, I immediately propped the back door open and lit the grill to get it going before Beth arrived. Once the grill was lit, I returned inside to put away the groceries. As I was doing so, I turned around and a small, cute all-black cat was in my apartment! It had just come right on in! It was very curious, and it looked around for a while. It was doing no harm, and so I let it hang out. It hopped up on the bathroom sink and admired itself in the mirror. It became apparent that the cat was just hot, because it was panting, and it settled beside the fan and laid down. I offered it some water (which I don't think it drank). I kept an eye on it, because it was interested in Susan's rats. When it went near them, I picked it up and moved it elsewhere. It was very friendly and allowed itself to be picked up and petted. It was also very sleek and clean looking, not mangy or dirty like some of the feral cats I have seen in the neighborhood. Because I was distracted, I didn't prepare any grilled squash as I had intended. Soon after, Beth arrived, and I let the cat stay while we were home.

When it was time to go get Italian Ice, I (sadly) had to put the cat back outside. If someone had been home, I would have let it stay, however, I was concerned about our lack of a litter box, and I didn't want our "guest" to make an accident. So that is how I made a new feline friend, and threw an unimpressive BBQ! At least the Italian Ice was good! I got "Chocolate Cupcake" and Beth got "Caribbean Splash." :-) We had a very nice time together! And, by the time I was back, the cat was nowhere to be seen!

An update on the Italian Ice Project (Yes, these are both Italian Ice flavors!):

7.) Jelly Ring
8.) Chocolate Cupcake

I have been "cleaning up" the files on my computer, and trashing old documents I no longer have any use for. Suddenly, I found this review (written by me as a letter to Doris). It is about a film Sam (xarix) and I got for our friend Yolanda at the Dollar Store. It was a film titled "SuperVan" (or so we thought). Upon watching the film, it was discovered that it was actually "The Van" in a "SuperVan" cover!

( Read on... )

The great james Avidon once said:

"You can pick your friends; you can pick your nose. but you can't pick your friend's nose."

Until today, I thought it was true. However, upon closer inspection, I think that picking your friend's nose is a true testament of how much you love your friend. (If they need a good nose-pickin.)

I spanked a married man.

33 times.

Today's terror alert is......



......not very terrifying!

A FUNNY STORY

The other day, while shopping at Key Foods with Susan, I had to call up Aunt Linda (right there in the grocery store) to ask her what Conway Twitty's name was. I had forgotten, and I was trying to tell Susan the very exciting "famous relative" story: that SMACK* is married to CONWAY TWITTY'S DAUGHTER. When I told her that story, I was uncertain who was funnier: Smack or Conway Twitty.

The end.

* my maternal grandmother's half-brother.

I just realized I never recounted my experience at the Burlesque Show! Yikes! A tragic omission--I must say.

The plan had been to meet Conrad at the Slipper Room. We were going to see a comedy show and a burlesque show. I assumed the burlesque show was going to be at the Slipper Room, which usually has salacious events for 21+ crowds. However, it turned out the comedy show was at the Slipper Room.

Conrad met me there, along with Marc (who is usually IN the burlesque shows, but not tonight) and Conrad's friend Jim. Also there was Marc's girlfriend, Jody. It was a very fun group of people!

The comedy show was really funny--it was all female comediennes except for the host. All were really funny! They did a sort-of dating game in which each comedienne could choose a "date" to have a drink with. Most amusing was the plastic animal masks worn by the contestants to conceal their identities.

Conrad then treated me to some Little Debbie (Zebra Cakes and Fudge Rounds), and we headed to another place for the burlesque show.

We got there just as the show was beginning. It was packed! There were no seats left. We went all the way up to the front where there was room to sit on the floor. The performers were all women, in honor of Valentine's Day. (Usually they have some men, including Marc.)

Let me just say that it was a truly unique experience, seeing breasts from that angle. (We were sort of craning our necks to see. Think: sitting in the front row at the movie theatre.) These ladies went all the way down to pasties. Some had tassels. Generally they stripped down to pasties and panties. One went down to a thong, then adhered tasseled pasties to her ass and proceeded to do things with her ass that I never thought possible! Quite impressive!

Shockingly, the breasts weren't as large as you'd think. Actually most were on the smaller side. The women were of all shapes. Not one was really awfully skinny. I thought this was refreshing. Especially because regular-sized girls were getting the props they deserved.

My favorite performance was this cute-as-a-button girl who looked like she'd come right off a 1940s's pin-up calendar. Her act consisted of cutting out Valentines from construction paper and handing them out. Then she stripped down to heart-shaped pasties.

Other highlights included a strip demonstration in which an unsuspecting audience member learned to take off gloves in a sexy way. THEN... she got to try out the tassled pasties. I am not even kidding you here! What a brave girl!!! (I sort of wish I'd volunteered!)

There was an extreme Tribute To New York. It began with Rhapsody in Blue, and transitioned to New York, New York. She did pantomimes of traveling on the subway to work, and then a Statue of Liberty impression, then she stripped to a I [heart] New York halter top, then she took that off and was in I [heart] New York pasties! ha!

One woman did this thing where she was being 'attacked' by a giant spider. She was stuck to a spider web, and had a spider hand puppet which she used to 'nibble' her clothing off her while she squirmed and writhed. Wildly creative!

Good times, good times...

I am already working on Susan to do a burlesque 'sister act' with me! ;-)

[Megan and Allison are having lunch together in Allison's office.]

Megan: "Have you heard back from Sophie about my bachelorette party?"

Allison: "I think so, let me look at my e-mail here..."

[she opens her e-mail and looks.]

Allison: "Yes, yes she did."

[Allison covers the screen with her hand and looks at Megan suspiciously.]

Megan: "Allison. I don't even have my glasses on. I can't even read the word 'Grapevine.'"

Fin.

The Three Great B's of alliegee according to susanbean:

* Brains

* Beauty

* Breasts